Bond

"Before you were conceived

I wanted you

Before you were born

I loved you

Before you were here an hour
I would give my life for you
This is the miracle of life."

Maureen Hawkins

 

Love is a powerful thing. There is the kind of  love between two friends, love for our pets, love between a husband and a wife, and then there is the love we have for our children.  This love is one of the most sacrificial kinds of love--parental love. Before our children are even a second old, we would do anything for them, including giving our own lives for theirs. This love is not conditional for babies cannot do anything for us. Love between a husband and wife may be at times sacrificial but let's face it, even love in a marriage is conditional. It's conditional on whether or not he does the dishes or picks up after himself. Or whether she cooks dinner or cleans the toothpaste out of the sink. Although we have good intentions and do not plan to have this kind of love in our marriages, we sometimes do. But, love for a child is not conditional at all. Babies are helpless. There is nothing babies do to make us love them. They bring joy to our hearts, yes, but they cannot clean, cook or pay for anything yet we love them nonetheless. As we begin to love our children, a bond begins to grow. Over time we see them change & experience life with them. We watch their personalities develop and the bond we have with them grows stronger.

Of all the bonds we share with others, the bond between a mother and child is hard to miss. Moments after having my daughter I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I did not feel the instant bond I had heard so much about. I loved her, this I knew, but I did not feel that overwhelming, unbreakable bond that I thought I would have from the moment I saw her. My husband will joke with me now about that bond. He will sarcastically ask, "So are you still worried about not having a bond with her?" Of course I say no, not at all. The bond with my daughter had to happen over time. I had to get to know her. When she was placed in my arms, I loved her dearly but she was almost a stranger to me. I had known her in my womb, but I did not know her completely. My husband and I put so much pressure on ourselves to have this instant bond with her, but love grows over time and bonds are made through experiences. Each day the bond I have with my little girl grows stronger and stronger. And although my husband loves our daughter & has a bond with her, the bond between mother and child is different. Even my husband will confess that my relationship with her is unique from his. I'm not sure if it's because I carried her for ten months or if it's because I feed her or if it's just because I am her mom. We have found that she seems to associate my husband as the fun one and me as the nurturing and soothing one. Even though she is only eight months, she is able to make that distinction.

The parent-child relationship amazes me, especially the mother and child bond. If you look around our world and even in nature, moms and their babies has a special relationship. Little cubs nuzzle their mothers. Little joeys nestle in their mother's pouch. Bonds are all around us. When children grow up and leave home, that bond still remains. Although I am a mother now, I still have a mom and that will never change. In my heart there is still a strong tie to my mother that I will have the rest of my earthly life. My hope and prayer is that when my daughter is grown, she will still feel the same way. I hope she is never too old or too cool for her mom.